Ugh.

Mother Mucker.

This donkey boy just ran me and my bike off the road with his pickup truck. He didn’t even slow down to make sure I’m not dead.

And I’m not dead. But I’ve got road rash up and down my butt and arms. My wrist hurts like crazy; I can move it; it’s not broken, but dang it hurts. And not to mention my stuff, my clothes are torn up, and my guitar flung into a muddy ditch 50 feet away.

Still, I’m not dead. I’m mostly intact. Not that it matters. It’d be all the more righteous indignation if I was more messed up.

The donkey truck boy finally stops about half a block down the hill. I stumble up and flip him the bird, but he doesn’t even do me the courtesy of turning around to be offended by my gesture. Instead he lights a joint, as if lighting his piece of crap marijuana cigarette takes precedence over being flipped the bird, let alone vehicular manslaughter.

I grab my guitar and pick up my bike. It’s in bad shape. The back tire’s flat. The handlebars are all tweaked. I try to straighten them out. They’re stuck.  

I’m inching my way down the street, slow and clunky, pushing the bike, getting closer to my would-be-killer and lo and behold, surfer-boy, Cheech and Chong, donkey face is parked under a tree blasting some Rage Against The Machine on his two-bit sound system, and enjoying the splendors of getting loaded in the mid-afternoon haze.

I’m about 4 houses away.

I stop. I plot my revenge.

Maybe I’ll call the cops and get his ass thrown in jail.

Or maybe I’ll call some of my hardcore fan boys and have them get over here and beat some responsibility into him.

Or maybe I should just throw my bike through his windshield.

I should.

But I notice this guy’s band stickers on the back of his truck. Mostly meathead metal bands like Gamma Ray, Sepultura, Droghon the Decapitator. 

And, well, what do you know, right smack in the middle of his truck’s tailgate, a Schlongky Kong sticker. 

My band. 

The band I front as lead singer and lead guitar and megastar cult of persona. 

Plain as day.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a Schlongky Kong sticker randomly on the street before.

Dagnam.

Well, well, well.

This is actually pretty cool.

***

“Attraction” is the third story from the short story collection SCYANCE. Find more stories here.

• The Law of Attraction is the name given to the concept of “like attracts like” which in New Thought philosophy is used to summarize the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into her life. This belief is based upon the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from “pure energy,” and the belief that like energy attracts like energy.